I know it is our human nature to resist struggles and to know the end and thereby plan for it. But that is exactly what you do not want us to do; plan, that is. That is why you don't show us the end. This way you can guide us on a path that brings about the necessary change: a smoothing of some areas and a sharpening of others, to create in us a character that matches Christ. Your character "For he who has seen me has seen the Father, also"
When metal is put to the polishing wheel, sparks often fly out like sharp screams of pan. Likewise, our sharpening and smoothing is painful but necessary to remove the pain and hurt of the experiences of the work. I went to a psychologist once to get help and answers about my feeling with regard to my parents. After only two sessions she told me I should forgive my parent and get over it. It sounded so easy. but the problem was, forgive them of what? I had gone to see her partly because I couldn't remember much of my childhood and couldn't figure out why. And much of what I could remember wasn't pleasant. I needed something more, so I turned to God.
Over the next several years the Holy Spirit began leading me to Journal. I also began recounting my experiences and discussing my memories with my sister and brother. Each of them began filling in my missing pieces and showed me some memories I had altered. I had tried so hard to remember my mother in a 'June Cleaver' view, but what I began to see was a picture of neglect and verbal and emotional abuse.
Then, during a large family get together, I got a glimpse into my mother's childhood and the abuse she suffered at the hands of an overtly stern father and a passive mother. Now, I can forgive her and, now, I am at peace with my memories of her. I can honestly say, "I love you, Mom, and I forgive you. Please forgive me for all that I put you through." And I can say it because I found the best psychologist to be the Holy Spirit working through God's divine plan.
I still remember my mother in the fictional persona but I know this is a false memory. In my mother's absence, I placed her image over my sister's; the one who was always there for me.
Thank you, God for a great sister and an experience I can use to help others. Amen
Friday, July 2, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
Praying for You
"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to have all of you, to sift you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen and build up your brothers." (Luke 22:31-32 NLT)
The setting is Jesus’ final Passover meal before His Crucifixion. Jesus has just proclaimed that one of the disciples will betray him. All the disciples began arguing who would betray Jesus and somehow this argument turned into who was the better disciple and who will be greater in the kingdom to come. Jesus explains their error and how it will be in the Kingdom of Heaven when he turns to Simon Peter and tells him He is praying that Simon would not lose his faith. I find it odd that He refers to him as Simon. Perhaps He was speaking to Simon's carnality or old nature. No matter how strong we are in Christ our sin nature is always a part of our physical bodies and the part of our will that is tied to it is continually in rebellion to God. It is this part of us that Satan uses as a door, attempting to open us up to sin. In the King James Version Satan "desires to have you" and in the New American Standard Satan "demands permission." This sounds a great deal like the book of Job where Satan comes before God and asks for the ability to test him. Like Simon and Job, Satan is requesting permission to sift us. Therefore, we should take great care to pray for each other that in times of distress and sifting, we don't lose our faith either.
It is important to note that Christ does not pray that Simon will not be tested, only that he will return to Christ again. He says, "so when you have repented and turned to me again" telling us that because God forgives us when we repent, we must forgive ourselves then we may return to our mission, our 'first love', to Christ Himself. He is waiting for us to come back ... always. No matter what you have done or how far away from Him you have strayed He is waiting for you to return. Only death can stop you from doing so.
The last section of this scripture Jesus tells Simon once he has returned to his faith, his belief and trust in Christ that he should "strengthen and build up his brothers." Because we don't really know who is a Christian and who isn't (only God knows the heart of man) I believe we should do our best to strengthen and build up everyone. We will go through trials and tests. And while everyone has different experiences, the trials and tribulations we endure will give us the insight to help others with their own struggles. We should always be prepared to use personal experiences to help others.
In circumstances it is difficult to keep believing that there is a God that loves you and wants the best for you. A young lady I know was laid off just days after signing the note on a car loan with a hefty monthly payment. A year later, she is still living with her parents and relying on their financial assistance. And while she has sent countless resumes and been on her fair share of interviews, the positions always went to others with more experience also out of work. It is difficult to encourage someone when you are working, so I try very hard to strengthen her faith and build her up. When I am down about something, she is also very good at strengthening and building up me. This is God's design.
I hope that somehow this has helped to strengthen and build up you. And that you can find a way to do the same to other. God Bless You in Your Journey.
The setting is Jesus’ final Passover meal before His Crucifixion. Jesus has just proclaimed that one of the disciples will betray him. All the disciples began arguing who would betray Jesus and somehow this argument turned into who was the better disciple and who will be greater in the kingdom to come. Jesus explains their error and how it will be in the Kingdom of Heaven when he turns to Simon Peter and tells him He is praying that Simon would not lose his faith. I find it odd that He refers to him as Simon. Perhaps He was speaking to Simon's carnality or old nature. No matter how strong we are in Christ our sin nature is always a part of our physical bodies and the part of our will that is tied to it is continually in rebellion to God. It is this part of us that Satan uses as a door, attempting to open us up to sin. In the King James Version Satan "desires to have you" and in the New American Standard Satan "demands permission." This sounds a great deal like the book of Job where Satan comes before God and asks for the ability to test him. Like Simon and Job, Satan is requesting permission to sift us. Therefore, we should take great care to pray for each other that in times of distress and sifting, we don't lose our faith either.
It is important to note that Christ does not pray that Simon will not be tested, only that he will return to Christ again. He says, "so when you have repented and turned to me again" telling us that because God forgives us when we repent, we must forgive ourselves then we may return to our mission, our 'first love', to Christ Himself. He is waiting for us to come back ... always. No matter what you have done or how far away from Him you have strayed He is waiting for you to return. Only death can stop you from doing so.
The last section of this scripture Jesus tells Simon once he has returned to his faith, his belief and trust in Christ that he should "strengthen and build up his brothers." Because we don't really know who is a Christian and who isn't (only God knows the heart of man) I believe we should do our best to strengthen and build up everyone. We will go through trials and tests. And while everyone has different experiences, the trials and tribulations we endure will give us the insight to help others with their own struggles. We should always be prepared to use personal experiences to help others.
In circumstances it is difficult to keep believing that there is a God that loves you and wants the best for you. A young lady I know was laid off just days after signing the note on a car loan with a hefty monthly payment. A year later, she is still living with her parents and relying on their financial assistance. And while she has sent countless resumes and been on her fair share of interviews, the positions always went to others with more experience also out of work. It is difficult to encourage someone when you are working, so I try very hard to strengthen her faith and build her up. When I am down about something, she is also very good at strengthening and building up me. This is God's design.
I hope that somehow this has helped to strengthen and build up you. And that you can find a way to do the same to other. God Bless You in Your Journey.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Daniel and the Dragon's Den - Journal Entry One
I don't get it. The world has turned upside down. Just look at the news and see how everyone's priorities are all mixed up. We are more worried about what sex or race adopting parents are, then whether they are truly caring for their children. I look at this child. His legs are skinny and covered with bruises. His eyes are gaunt and darkened. His little 3 year old frame would be visible if he just weighed only a few ounces less. He isn't a child of Haiti or from some African nation. He isn't from another continent, nation, state or city. He isn't even from another street and he isn't the child next door. He is my own grandson.
I watch week after week and see his tiny little frame grow thinner and thinner. I weigh him on scales that often sing of far too many pounds on my own frame. Yet, another six months goes by and his weight drops from 40 pounds to 38 and now to 36. His father and grandfather stand over 6 feet. His half-sister is even tall for her age, but he remains on the short side of the ruler, gaining in height only a half inch from Christmas to Easter. There are two times in a child's life when growth jumps like a grasshopper; before the age of 5 and at puberty. His growth nearly stands still.
When he comes to visit he seems more and more distant to us, his grandparents, and clings to his father more tightly. Why is that? Tonight he bore bruises on both legs and confessed a tale of a step-father's discipline, or rather abusive attack. Please understand, I am all for discipline; "spare the rod and spoil the child" kind. But if it leaves a bruise, it's abuse. And where there is physical abuse, I can guarantee you there is verbal and mental abuse as well. But none of that matters because we are the grandparents. But not just the grandparents, we are the parents of the father. The only one in this scenario with less clout than us is our son.
The discussion, what little there can be around the child, reveals fear and a perception that no one cares. No one cares if he loves his son. No one cares if he is a better parent. No one cares that he has never struck his son and never left a mark. No one cares that the mother has left numerous marks and now the step-dad does as well. No one cares that she has learned to manipulate the system and everyone around her. This child was beaten because he had an accident in his pants at the age of 3 years and 4 months. ‘He should know better, they've been potty training since he was 12 months old’. That's the age when she delivered my grandson for the first time without diapers. “He’s so big; he went to the potty by himself.” She turned and left; and he wet the floor. And every time we mentioned going to the potty, he screamed as in terror. But then no one else seemed to really care.
I watch week after week and see his tiny little frame grow thinner and thinner. I weigh him on scales that often sing of far too many pounds on my own frame. Yet, another six months goes by and his weight drops from 40 pounds to 38 and now to 36. His father and grandfather stand over 6 feet. His half-sister is even tall for her age, but he remains on the short side of the ruler, gaining in height only a half inch from Christmas to Easter. There are two times in a child's life when growth jumps like a grasshopper; before the age of 5 and at puberty. His growth nearly stands still.
When he comes to visit he seems more and more distant to us, his grandparents, and clings to his father more tightly. Why is that? Tonight he bore bruises on both legs and confessed a tale of a step-father's discipline, or rather abusive attack. Please understand, I am all for discipline; "spare the rod and spoil the child" kind. But if it leaves a bruise, it's abuse. And where there is physical abuse, I can guarantee you there is verbal and mental abuse as well. But none of that matters because we are the grandparents. But not just the grandparents, we are the parents of the father. The only one in this scenario with less clout than us is our son.
The discussion, what little there can be around the child, reveals fear and a perception that no one cares. No one cares if he loves his son. No one cares if he is a better parent. No one cares that he has never struck his son and never left a mark. No one cares that the mother has left numerous marks and now the step-dad does as well. No one cares that she has learned to manipulate the system and everyone around her. This child was beaten because he had an accident in his pants at the age of 3 years and 4 months. ‘He should know better, they've been potty training since he was 12 months old’. That's the age when she delivered my grandson for the first time without diapers. “He’s so big; he went to the potty by himself.” She turned and left; and he wet the floor. And every time we mentioned going to the potty, he screamed as in terror. But then no one else seemed to really care.
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