Life is not what they tell us growing up. We begin with expectations of the possibilities of a well lived life and spend our years attempting to become what we believe we can be. And despite what the world claims, it applies its energy toward making us believe our dreams are too high or we aren't really capable of fullfilling them. From the first moment we allow ourselves to dream we are fighting an uphill battle. "Put your feet on the ground!" I can remember from early on my mother telling me I could be anything I wanted to be and I believed her in my heart. As a young child I, like so many others, watched the idyllic life of Star Trek and dared to dream I could have a place in that near perfect world. So, at the age of 6, I wanted to be an astronaut, to explore space and "go where no man had gone before." Back then the local TV station ran a Saturday Morning Show called, KiTiRiK. They came up with the name by inserting an 'i' between each of the stations call letters (KTRK). The host, named 'KiTiRiK', of course, was a nice looking woman dressed in black furry leotards and a cap with black pointy cats ears. I also remember whiskers painted on her cheeks. It was a popular show for the kids of Houston Texas to come on for their birthday and I dreamed of being on the KiTiRiK Show and riding the birthday carousel. One birthday came and my mom got me and a couple of my friends on the show. I even got to ride the carousel with all the other birthday kids. The carousel would turn and stop at each child and KiTiRiK would ask each one what they wanted to be when they grew up. As I awaited my turn I rehearsed in my head over and over, "astronaut, astronaut, astronaut." When I finally reached the front and the nice lady in the cat costume asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I opened my mouth and uttered, "a nurse." Such has been my life, full of big dreams and even bigger fears.
That was a few years ago. Don't ask how many, I won't tell. But I have learned over time not to be afraid of the world around me. Well, at least not as much. I still have that small little voice telling me "I'm not good enough", "no one believes you can do that", "you aren't as smart as you think you are". . . . . and the biggest is. . . . . ."you are such a liar and they know it". The problem with all these comments is that I don't want to lie or cheat people. I want to believe that I have God given talents and capabilities. I am good enough and if no one believes me, I just need to rely on God to show them or show me what I need to change. Matthew:19:26 states, "But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." Somehow I know that God will lead me and show me the correct way to go. And while, it may not be the direction I think I should be headed, as long as I allow Him a say in it, it will be the right one.
"Thank you Lord for your devine instruction and daily measure of faith."
